The moments

There are moments in life, nothing more. There are moments of sadness, anger, frustration. There are moments of joy, happiness, excitement, love. Life is made-up of A multitude of moments strung together to form our lives. Funny thing about the moments in our life is that no matter how big or how small we see our lives they are exactly where they are because of how we chose to feel in each moment.

Our lives aren't something complex to be figured out on some infinite chalk board with mathmatical equations. Our lives are some huge question to ponder and to come to a conclusion about. Our lives are quite simply....a series of moments caused by our ever changing emotions.

Where things get complicated is how our lives fit in with others. This is how I felt at one point....I felt that my life wasn't just about my choices in the moment. For years I have felt my life was simply the summation of others. My life, I wrongly felt was largely the result of what others did or did not do.

One day I came to the realization that my life is just that....mine. I can't control anything in this world. I can't control my friends happiness with me, my husband's frustration with work, my mother and well...my mother. I can't control my sister, my Dad....anyone. I can't even control if the waitress brings the right order out to the table when we go out to eat. Seems scary doesn't it? I had come to the realization I have NO CONTROL! I had tried so hard. I would use emotion to control others. I'd get sad....angry....frustrated....jealous....you name it, I'd feel it when dealing with others. This isn't to say I wasn't a pleaSant person. I wasn't an emotional freak who'd fly off the handle with anyone and everyone. I just let my emotions show and wasn't afraid to let others know when I had been hurt. I used guilt to control others.

It was the moment that I realized the only person I could...or had the right to control was myself. I couldn't make a friend spend time with me because of guilt...how Christian is that? I couldn't make my husband work less because I was lonely....how loving would that be? I realized that I had been using guilt to manipulate others. This realization gave me a HUGE sense of power and made me feel strong and assertive. I finally stopped working on others and started working on myself.

If I saw someone do something I didn't like, I made a mental note to not repeat that action. I became kinder, more forgiving and I truly started to appreciate myself and started to have a sense of belonging in the world. I realized the moments I was letting define my character were moments in which others had been involved. It was in church that I let go of the dark corners of my heart and let the light shine fully.

The secret to what I found was simply by realizing the only person in my life I had any control over was myself. I had a choice. When sad I could choose sadness or joy. When mad I could choose anger or forgiveness. When frustrated I could choose frustration or peace. In the process I have made others mad! They want to get me angry and can't.

This isn't to say I don't get mad or sad or frustrated. I just let myself have my moment and then move on. I don't dwell on it. If I want to be mad I will give myself a set amount of time and then move on. I don't let the actions of others define who I am becoming.

See, in the end our life is just choices and moments. We can choose to live in the past moments or live in the current moment. We have so few moments in life, any emotion left but happiness is one emotion to many. We have to stop worrying about control and just worry about joy. Don't ever let someone steal your joy.